I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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