well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
