it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My ass is underappreciated
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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