OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
