i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
