just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
