Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
