Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
