I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
