just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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