the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
NoShamevember. You game?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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