Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
