i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You are the jesus of drinking
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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