hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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