I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
