dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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