I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
