omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
