It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so let's talk penis.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
