dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
