Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
