someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
