you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
