Don't you send me to vm
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
