Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I understand Curling. That high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
