what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
