Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My breasts were aching with rage.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
