he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
