Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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