We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
