dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
