Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
