i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
