I'm really into asian looking animals
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
