So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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