I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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