"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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