Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
