I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I want to walk on stilts...naked
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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