I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
