dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
