Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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