he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
