Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
