I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
