I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
