I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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