I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
