then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
