OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
