Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
