First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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