We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
