Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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