Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
